Posted by: Modern Mom | March 20, 2012

So This is How It’s Done

Over the weekend I went away with a whole bunch of ladies I barely knew, or didn’t know at all. I was nervous. Not just because I didn’t know these women. That actually doesn’t bother me. What made me nervous is that it was a whole group of women who already knew each other. I was worried that I wouldn’t be accepted, or allowed into the group. And I had to spend the whole weekend with them.

In my past I’ve been badly treated by most of the women in my life. With the exception of my immediate family and my dear handful of long-distance friends from my scrapbooking group, every woman I’ve known my entire life has hurt me. More than any man almost without exception. I’ve carried this burden for many many years.

I’ve often wondered why women are so mean to each other when we are the only ones who can really understand what women go through. And yet we cut each other down, say wrong things behind backs, and even directly to one another. Women can be canniving and manipulative. They will smile in your face with hatred in their heart. Why is that?

I was a tomboy. I always hung with the boys. Maybe that’s why I don’t do well with girls. I learned to be blunt, straightforward, and direct. Also not qualities most women enjoy in other women, I’ve discovered. But I can’t be anything else. It wouldn’t be authentic. And I’m not a very good actress.

So, my whole life I was the one cast out, or the one that didn’t really belong. At least that’s how I was made to feel. I never formed strong bonds with other women. I envied women who had life-long friends and wondered how they did it. Even as an adult I’ve been reduced to tears by the hurtful ways of women.

That being said, and so you know a little of my back story, the way this weekend went was a complete surprise to me.

I rode in a carpool with four other women, none of whom I had met before showing up for this carpool, who were already friends. It was definitely not something I would have normally done, because I know from experience how it would have normally gone. I would have tried to participate in conversation, only to be left out of inside jokes, given strange looks, shut down, and eventually I’d end up just staring out the window quietly.

For the first time in my 30-plus years the scene went differently than it ever had. These women were incredible! I immediately saw the care they had for one another, but they also warmly welcomed me. They included me, they showed interest in me, and they showed care to make sure I was comfortable. I was so relieved that the car ride went so well, because I was supposed to be rooming with these girls all weekend. Whew! At least I would have a few people to hang with if the rest of the ladies weren’t as cool.

Much to my amazement, when we arrived I was overwhelmed with other ladies who also wanted me to feel at home. The entire weekend went on like this. It wasn’t just me, it was everyone. It was an epidemic! They all went out of their way to make sure everyone was included, comfortable and accepted. They made each and every person there feel loved. Genuinely.

No fakeness here. No snide comments. No backstabbing. No gossiping. How refreshing!

I came away with a full (very full) heart and the thought, “This is how women are supposed to treat each other!”

Thank you to all the girls for being so kind and genuine. Thank you Abbey, Elizabeth, Naomi, Denise, Kara, Jenn, Sue and so many others. You’ve moved me beyond words and I look forward to hopefully doing the same for you someday.


  1. What a beautiful testimony about the Women of Grace! Loving, supportive, and accepting. A special place where we all belong!


  2. Let’s hope that this kind of treatment of other women which you have just experienced for the first time is contageous. I too have lamented the way women treat each other. In the war to improve our place in the world it is not men we are fighting to be treated as equals it is other women. I am hoping that this is something that we can change. We may think that as individuals we can do nothing to change things, but we can through starting with ourselves and our attitudes to others. Spread the love sisters!


    • Amen sister! It has taken me a long time to find women who treat each other with the care and respect we all deserve. I’m thankful for them and the gifts they have already given me. I’m all for an epidemic of kindness spreading through the women of the world!


  3. That’s amazing! I’ve always felt the same way about other groups of women. Heck, I even busted up a small group because I (GASP) called another woman a “poo-poo head” during a fast paced card game! An event which managed to explode the entire group into a major cat fight! I’m not kidding…

    It’s extremely tough to find a group of women who are kind and fun and accepting of others for being themselves.


    • You rebel you. 🙂 I’m finding as I get older that I tend to recognize those groups of “ugly women” much more quickly than I used to. Thank goodness. Glad I found a good one.


  4. So glad you felt welcomed & had a great time! We loved meeting you & hanging out with you:)


    • The feeling is mutual, Jen. *mwah!*


  5. i’ve heard nothing but compliments about the weekend you ladies had together. i am so glad you were place with an incredible group of ladies who extended the right hand of the Lord’s grace to you and toward each other. praise be to the Friend that Sticks Closer than a Brother(Sister) for giving you such a great experience, which is the first of many to come, i’m sure!!


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