A Trip to the Vet

Today we took the dog to the vet. All of us. I will never do that again. (by ‘that’ I mean taking the boys with me. obviously I will take the dog to the vet at some point in the future. Hopefully not soon.)

First I had to wrestle two boys and a nervous puppy from the car. I had to carry Modern Munchkin so he wouldn’t escape, hold Modern Boy’s hand, sling the purse over the shoulder and hang on to a leash with a crazed puppy at the other end. As I entered the office, and looked up at the faces of those sitting in the waiting room I realized that they thought the circus had just arrived.  My life feels like a circus sometimes when I have a moment to stop and think about it. I don’t often have a moment to think, though. So I just smiled and took a seat.

The boys immediately began destroying the waiting room. Tearing cups out of the water cooler, messing in the water. Spreading the interesting collection of magazines all over the waiting room. The dog was enjoying this immensely. Not me. I immediately began scolding them under my breath. You know how it is. Saying just enough to keep them in line without somebody reporting you to Child Protective Services. It wasn’t working. I miss the days when you could discipline your child in public without people looking down their noses at you. Remember when even a stranger could drag you by your ear back to your parents for getting out of line? That sucked. For us. But look how good we turned out, right?

We finally get called to the private room. Great. Containment. It didn’t go as I had hoped. They didn’t have nearly the level of containment I needed. You know, straight jackets would have been nice. I’d have settled for a roll of duct tape. The vet was taking way too long telling me about all the things they wanted to do to the dog. I wasn’t listening. I could care less. Just do what you think he needs, and we’ll be on our way. All I could hear was two boys trying to kill each other. Modern Boy was tearing all the leaves off the fake ficus tree and trying to feed them to the dog. All I wanted was to get the boys and the dog out of there so they couldn’t destroy anything more.

They finally pushed me to the limit. We had been in the office for 30 minutes now. What on Earth had this doctor said to me that has taken 30 minutes? I didn’t even know. I turned and got after the boys. I issued a threat. You either sit here nicely and read books, or I will take you to the car where you can sit by yourself. Modern Boy told me he wanted to sit in the car. Fine. He does that to me all the time. Steals my threats. So much for threats.

After returning from strapping both boys in the car I finally heard what the vet was telling me. She was trying to tell me what all this was going to cost me. Seriously? $214. What magical elixirs did they pump into this dog? I hope it’s something that makes him smell like lavender and not shed. Could it be? No. Just the usual non-magical puppy shots. I was dumbfounded. That must have been obvious because she actually said to me, “It’s been a while since you’ve had a puppy, hasn’t it?” Yes. Yes it has. I had no idea all the joys that would be in store for us. *sigh* Dogs.