Posted by: Modern Mom | September 18, 2012

The Things I Say

My Sister-in-law warned me that I would say really outrageous things when I became a parent. She was right. I have said some truly outrageous things, as well as some simply strange things, and some things that make me think, “When did I become my mother?”

There are times when I wonder how I’ve come to this place. This place where sometimes I’m so flustered trying to tell my son not to do something that I can’t remember his name. The name we spent nine months picking. This place where I say terribly embarrassing things in the middle of Target. Most of the time it’s when I’m getting after them for something they shouldn’t do. Which is often. These are some of the things I say. A lot.

Don’t lick the floor!

We don’t stick things in our belly buttons. (or ears, nose, etc.)

Don’t touch the dog’s pee-pee!

Don’t poke mommy with your fork.

Don’t lick the shopping cart!

Get your finger out of your nose.

Get your finger out of your pants.

That is NOT candy.

Poop is not an appropriate dinner topic.

We don’t eat things we find on the ground.

The dog doesn’t need your snacks.

Don’t wipe your face on my butt! (said, very loudly, in the middle of Target)

We do not lick strangers! (what IS it with the licking?)

Do not stand on my feet.

Get out from under the table.

Stop touching everything!

Don’t cover your brother with a blanket and lay on his head! (seriously. I’ve had to say this many times)

Ketchup is not a major food group.

Don’t spit on your brother.

This is our list from today. Seriously. I couldn’t make these up if I wanted to. These are things that I never thought I would say to another human being. Until I had kids.

What are some of the things you can’t believe you say?

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