Posted by: Modern Mom | November 28, 2012

The Systematic Destruction of our Home

Disclaimer: If you don’t have kids, and are thinking you may want them, this may change your mind. Proceed with caution.

Having two boys has been very hard on our house. I have a deep admiration and the utmost sympathy for people who have more than two boys. I imagine they don’t have people over much. I probably wouldn’t.

There are days when I feel like digging myself a bunker, donning a helmet and waiting it out in safety until I wave the white flag at bedtime. I used to call it “controlled chaos”, but as the boys get older it is more just simple survival. Two boys together just seem to feed off each others’ energy like two tropical storms meeting up to form the perfect storm. Every object becomes a weapon of mass destruction and every stunt is doubled in energy and danger by the next one attempting it. It’s a recipe for disaster, which is what my house has become. I keep waiting for the President to show up and declare it a natural disaster. I could sure use some disaster relief.

One month before Modern Boy was born, we cut the roof off our house and added a second story. You will have to remind me to tell you the story of this some time. It truly was remarkable. Anyway, the second story of the house is only 4 years old. You could never tell to look at it, though. It is the boys’ domain and they have put it through the ringer. I expect it to only get worse.

As Modern Man and I stood in the upstairs hallway the other night, we were noticing the level of destruction that Hurricane Wyatt and Tropical Storm Weston have caused.  I’m not even sure how they have managed all of it. They have stripped the corners in the hallway of the plaster up to about 4 feet. There is still a giant blue stain on my carpet from spilled paint as well as a trail of blue paint on walls, doors, and trim. The door to one room is coming off it’s hinges from boys hanging on it. There are holes in the drywall, crayon on every wall and door, and a thick coating of filth on every surface*. That’s just at first glance.

*I really do clean my house. I have attempted to remove crayon, oil and dirt from the walls and doors, but apparently the paint we chose doesn’t hold up to heavy scrubbing. So in addition to the destruction the boys have done, there are patches of paint missing from my incessant scrubbing. Crap.

Upon closer inspection you might notice stained carpets, a broken bathroom faucet handle, a low spot in the carpet from a pair of scissors, any number of dings in the walls from throwing objects like cars down the stairs, a hole in the drywall by the stairs from a stick being drilled into and through it, not to mention the destruction done to furniture and personal items. And that’s just upstairs.

I could go into great detail about the destruction that has occurred on the main level as well, but that would be a long post. Let’s just say, my couch will never be the same. I will probably never again be brave enough to have “nic knacks”. Our floors will all need to be replaced. Walls will need to be resurfaced, patched and painted. Doors will need to be replaced or repaired, hardware reattached, cupboards resurfaced or replaced, bathroom sink replaced as well as all the flooring around it, and so on, and so on.

It brings to mind phrases like “We just can’t have nice things!” and “When you got kids, that’s all you got.” But nobody ever explains what they mean by that. It’s a code.

So, if you don’t have kids, and disregarded the above disclaimer, consider yourself warned. If you have boys, bless you, and your home. I’ll say a little prayer for your sanity and your home to remain intact until they are gone. I would appreciate if you would return the favor.


*The photo above is not of my boys. But it looks a lot like a similar blue paint mess I had. I have never had the patience in a moment like this to run and get my camera. This mom did.


  1. “Good mom’s have sticky floors, dirty ovens and happy kids”


    • Ha! Isn’t that the truth. I could also add, mountains of laundry, dishes, and dirty walls. 🙂


      • Uggg, the mountains of laundry…..I swear it never ends!!! ANd why are boys worse than girls when it somes to laundry?


  2. I don’t have kids but that post made me laugh and glad I don’t have any. You will be in my prayers 😉


  3. Good grief! Well, hopefully they’re right and boys are easier when they’re older!


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